Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to say hello to
Justin Jedica, our least favorite person of the week (that’s a hard
title to get during a week where Madonna is still alive); the
self-proclaimed “Human Ken Doll”! Jedica, a New York City resident whose
neighbors we’re sure found some happiness in the fact that they at
least didn’t have to look at hime during the Hurrican Sandy blackouts,
has waged a six figure war on his natural looks in an attempt to look
closer to the “picture he has in his head”. Whatever this picture may
be, it sure isn’t of a real Ken doll, because he looks a lot more like
the guy from Pokemon than he does Barbie’s long term lover. Regardless,
Jedica has spent upwards of $100 thousand on various plastic surgeries
in order to get to where he is today.
Beginning in his mid-twenties, Justin started his cosmetic crusade with a nose job,
the first of five. His handful of rhinoplasties have taken his nose
from a normal size and a little bulbous at the tip, to thin and pinched
past the point of looking even mildly natural. He also appears to have
had his cheeks worked on; he most likely had some sort of reconstruction
combined with some kind of implantation. He also looks like he’s had
his lips done, and we’re going to assume that he went for permanent
implants instead of just Juvederm injections, but with someone like Jedica, there’s no room for rhyme or reason, so your guess is as good as ours.
Now you’d think that if someone were obsessed with a certain body image,
they’d be willing to do just about anything within their power to
achieve their goal; well you’d be wrong. What’s the human Ken doll not
willing to do? Work out…seriously, he doesn’t like going to the gym.
Instead of jumping on a treadmill and sliding under a barbell, Jedica
has instead decided drop a ton of cash on muscle implants. From the neck
down, Jedica has had pectoral implants, butt implants, bicep implants,
and tricep implants; we also wouldn’t be shocked to find out that he’s
had some ab sculpting done. The results, much like those found in his
face, aren’t really too impressive. He couldn’t achieved a similar if
not better look by simply putting in the time in the gym. For the money
he spent, he could’ve paid trainers and nutritionists to help turn him
into a truly impressive specimen, and he wouldn’t have enough silicone
in him to caulk a stadium men’s room.
Now as much as we make fun of Jedica for all of his
cosmetic work and ill-advised plastic surgery, he’s actually a genuinely
disturbed individual who should’ve sought psychiatric help years ago.
He started out as a pretty handsome guy, but now finds himself just
another victim of bad body image. So 90 procedures in, he’s not looking
at all like someone we’d want anywhere near us, and he’s probably only
going to get worse.
